dun shit where u eat.
dun screw and leave.
dun speak if aint necessary.

major bitch.
positive antagonist.
deep analyser.
procastinator.
ex rugger.
lazer-ed spit.
soopa lame.

Food Journals
puteri berendam
i.eat.i.shoot.i.post
she bakes & she cooks
camemberu

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afdlin
marina mahathir
zaidy nandir
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patrick teoh
cowboy malaysia
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hilman
shahruddin
rashid

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designer: frozen.d}
resources: x

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious and the Most Compassionate.
I take a few minutes off my Ramadhan minutes to actually write off what is in my innermost currently..

Warning : A particularly emo-ed random post as I think i express myself better when i write rather than when i open up my filthy mouth. I'm more rational and sane when I'm writing.. So just take heed and stop giving me your bitchfits everyone. and when i write EVERYONE, I BLARDY MEANT IT!

...

Yes, I am a very vocal person in life and I am someone very straightforward when it comes to voicing out what that is in my mind when it comes to general thoughts/feelings and perhaps all those things that is ongoing in my daily life.

BUT.. when it comes to affairs of the heart, I am particularly that conservative gurl, who does not make my first moves nor do i jump at any men, as wat some would do nowadays. I'm a cool cat when it comes to this.. and expectedly, a cat who always is left to lick her wounds... :'(

Throughout life, I have been through multiple occasions of boys/guys/men who I adore, and mutually liked upon at the other end, only to lose it off when both of us decides not to progress anything out of it. Being the tomboy that I always am, I am the last person who will show that "feminine" side of myself cos I decide not to be fake and pretentious in life for that matter. So guys naturally would not take me seriously, cos I seldom exhibit 'i-like-you-very-the-nak-mampos-and-would-like-to-know-you-more-as-a-person'..

...

I might not be the one who says it all.. but I'm particularly sure that my actions speaks louder than any of my words that I can ever blurt. For e.g. I can spend time with you like every other day texting you and send you cards or suprise you with anything and everything clean that is!

I believe that would be more sincere than just saying something to a guy..

...

There was one conversation I shared with my beshtie of which she reminded me of all the guys that I kinda dated and rated which one was the worst 'chapter' of my life.. Hee3.

There was particularly one name that was etched in her mind..
Yeah. That one!
(Note : Lets not mention names around here because this is a world wide web and that sometimes by mentioning something/someone would break someone's heart that will perhaps lead to a not-so-nice feeling and a not-too-nice aftertaste then after..)

...

Speaking of which.. I spent about 2 years dating that particular chap.
Normal friends to very very close buddy-hood.
We can like spend everyday together.
He can literally fetch me from work and we'll head for dinner and a cuppa right after..
Hours after hours, days after days, and progessing to years, having each other in life..
His parents adore me.
My dad was introduced to him too.
Seriously we didnt know what went wrong.
Years after, he got hitched.
I declined his invitation to attend his wedding because I cant fake the painful feeling.
But i decided to drop the bomb, months after his marriage.. when he actually called me and asked if i was okay and asked why i didnt attend his wedding.
I could much remember summoning all my courage left that minute and exclaimed.. "I cant face the fact to attend to a wedding of a man i actually adore and wanted to get to know much more rather than just being a friend!"
Everything became ackwardly silent.. but what he had in response was even heartwrenching..
In return, he asked of me.. "Why didnt u tell me then.. because I actually felt for you too..!"
I left it at that, cos I didnt want to continue discussing some long gone things with someone's husband.. I cant allow myself the guilt-ridden feeling to have anything to do with someone's hubby...
(Silence to fade...................................................................)

...

Yeah, blame me. Blame me for being the 'conservative' one.
So yeah, thats the story, morning glory..

Till today, he's still a good friend.
He still calls/text me to ask me if I'm doing fine in life.
The only fact that has changed is that he's someone's soulmate thats all.
And me.. I'm stil finding mine..
Moral of this story would be a step by step move for me to let go of things that happens in my past so that I can move forward to the present and my future, insyaALLAH.
I am doing this to close certain chapters in life.. and open new ones.
...

Well, for Fate's underwritten that he's not meant to be, perhaps.
And Fate's not handing over my share as of yet.
For I know that Allah takes away something from our lives to hand over something more..
For He's the Most Knowledgeable and the Most Merciful.